


an excess of trust

by ollie_oxen_free



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, God - Freeform, M/M, Manipulation, Unhealthy Relationships, dubcon, honestly you guys this is fucked up, i hate this, i upset myself, its not sexual at all, majorly fucked up, soul manipulation, unhealthy depiction of a bdsm relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 20:31:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13220667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ollie_oxen_free/pseuds/ollie_oxen_free
Summary: if it helped, then who was he to deny the other?





	an excess of trust

**Author's Note:**

> **READ THE TAGS**

Trust was a fickle thing. It was good to trust in things, and sometimes trust was needed, both in other people, and in yourself. Razz trusted him.

When he found this out, Blue had been overjoyed, especially since he had spent so long trying to get Razz to trust him, to lower the walls that he had built for himself enough to let someone in to help. And, discovering that Razz had lowered his walls enough for Blue to slip in, both noticed and not, was beyond what he had expected.

He had been entirely unprepared for what he had seen. There was a reason the walls were there, he realized, and in the past he hadn’t seen the point of having them when they weren’t even in their universe anymore, but realizing just how  _ deep _ the roots of violence went was sobering, had almost entirely snuffed out the optimism he tried to hold and was so often mocked for.

They were Fellverse, through and through, and Razz’s walls were both strong and weak at the same time. Or, maybe, Blue had chipped away at the keystone in their build, had taken away the single support for the entire wall so that it began to crash around them both.

They-  _ he _ was out of his depth.

Razz had seemed so strong before, had seemed stable and unshakable, but now he  _ knew, _ and watching the other break down was terrifying. Razz was haunted by his past. And one night, waking up to bloodcurdling screaming and rushing into Razz’s room just to be suffocated by the sheer fury within it, he had panicked, turning the other blue as he lunged for him, slamming him against the furthest wall and tightening his hold, sending out wave after wave of calm and still until the other had slumped in his hold, unable to support himself even when Blue released his hold and he fell to the floor.

He had rushed over, picking him up and checking for injuries, trying not to wince at the self-inflicted gashes in his arms as he started to heal what he could. The other’s sockets had been blank, dark, and stayed that way until Blue lifted him from the floor, an arm supporting his weight as he started to move to the kitchen. Stretch and Slim hadn’t been home that night, for some reason or another- and it had honestly been so long ago that he had no idea why they were gone- so that was likely the reason that Razz had slumped against him after he placed the kettle on the stove, like he was seeking comfort.

And, well, Blue had given it to him, wrapping an arm around him and letting the other tuck his head just in the junction of his shoulder, fighting down his initial instinct to pull away- Razz hadn’t tried to kill him, it wasn’t his fault, it was a nightmare, how many times had Papy had nightmares, it was fine- as he waited for the water to whistle.

Razz had pulled back. Looked at him. “Do that again,” he had said, and somehow even with his eyelights lit his sockets were darker than Blue had seen them before.

Razz had frowned at his look of confusion, letting his left eye flicker with blue magic before staring at Blue expectantly. Blue had shaken his head, at a loss for words, and Razz seemed almost disappointed by his answer, leaning into him once more.

“I remember them all,” he’d said, voice quiet and hollow as his eyes, “who I killed, like I’m carrying their dust with me. I am, aren’t I?”

Razz had laughed when he told him that was in the past, that he was better now, like he didn’t believe him. Blue didn’t believe himself, either. They haunted him, wouldn’t let him forget.

Maybe that was why Razz had started drinking like he had.

For weeks on end, Blue couldn’t remember a time when Razz had been sober, when he hadn’t slurred the words that he did say and when Blue wasn’t constantly having to soothe him as his body emptied itself of the magic that had curdled in his soul.

And maybe it was the alcoholism or the sheer pity he felt for the other or both in equal parts that made him finally agree one night when Razz had come up to him, eyelights flickering but sober, nearly begging him to throw him against the wall again and again and again. Nothing so violent, of course, but he did pin him to the carpet with blue magic, watching the other strain against the hold, feeling the other resisting as his magic flared and challenged his own, but never once overpowered it.

It was unhealthy from the start.

When he wouldn’t pin Razz down on his own, the other would lunge at him, and it only took Blue a few times to realize that the hate he felt was as real as the trust, that if he let him then Razz would add onto the dust that he dragged everywhere with him like a badge. And, really, he hated it but seeing just how much it helped Razz, just how near-relaxed the other would be spread open and defenseless against attack made it somehow more bearable. It all came to a head when restraint wasn’t enough.

It had been a while of them all being in Undertale at that point, long enough for relationships to start and hold out enough to warrant moving in together, and soon Blue found himself alone with Razz, more often than not. Their time was enjoyable, when he wasn’t holding the other down, but it had been so long, had started happening often enough, that they could both feel the effects of it slipping away sooner and sooner, they both could tell it was weakening. Blue had been hopeful, or maybe naive, thinking that it meant that Razz didn’t need him anymore.

Imagine his shock when he walked into their living room one day to see Razz with his soul exposed and held in his hands, expression dark and claws digging into the cracked surface like he wanted nothing more to tear it apart piece by piece.

He had panicked, and in a moment of stupidity- a moment of weakness- he had rushed up, grabbed it from the other’s hands before he could dust himself, and what he had  _ seen. _

It was terrible, making him nauseous and afraid and unable to move and wanting to run away all at once,  _ screams _ and  _ pleas _ and  _ begging, _ and in his shrouded mind he had wanted nothing more than for it to just  _ go _ **_away-_ **

And it had. He had let go of the soul, watching it drift down and hover in front of Razz before it slid back into his body. The weight of what he had done hit him hard, and he had taken half a step back in fear but didn’t go far because  _ god _ if he had done  _ that _ then he deserved whatever Razz would do to him.

But nothing had happened.

Razz had turned to look at him, slowly, almost in confusion, standing up and looking down at his hands as he clenched and unclenched them, as if trying to grasp whether or not he was real. “I don’t remember,” he had said, voice soft and open, and he had turned to look at Blue with a broken sort of happiness in his eyes, grin tilted and near crazed but still a grin and he was both terrifying and pitiful at once.

He stated again, like he couldn’t believe it. “It’s gone.” It had only taken a few moments for Blue to realize he had inadvertently suppressed the memory, shoved it down into his subconscious deep enough to where it was both there and not. He had manipulated the other.

He had told him so, and Razz just laughed a bitter broken thing, crazed and afraid and joyful and angry all at once, saying that he knew, god he knew and he didn’t know and for him to do it again.

Blue manipulated, and Razz manipulated. It was how they worked.

Razz would come to him, shaky and weak, and would fall to his knees and offer up his soul, broken and bare, and Blue didn’t want the submission, didn’t want the other willing to just be moved as  _ he _ saw fit, but there was nothing he could do because Razz was getting better, everyone  _ saw _ Razz getting better, they all knew and were happy and Blue just. Couldn’t ruin that.

Blue took the soul resting just in front of him now, weary and hollow, cupping it gently as he looked down at Razz, the other on his knees with his head bowed. Razz trusted him with his life. And he was fucking sick of it.

But it wasn’t truly his call.

He closed his eyes as he swiped a thumb over the other’s essence, hearing Razz take in a shuddering breath and trying to drown it out, remaining distant. He searched around, able to feel the emotions around him like they were physical.

_ Trust. Trust. Sorrow.  _ _ Fury _ _. Trust. Trust.  _ _ Bloodlust _ _. Love. Hatred. Trust. Trust. _

He went through them quickly, pushing them down and drowning them out as much as he could, coming across something  _ dark, _ something with roots deep and covered in pain and regret, and without looking at it, without  _ wanting _ to look at it, even though he knew Razz would let him, he buried it, opening his eyes and quickly giving him his soul back.

It faded into his form, and Blue let out a heavy sigh before he picked the other up, his chest rumbling in a purr-  _ see, it was worth it, it was worth it- _ as he took him to the sofa, laying him down and running a hand over his skull. Razz was happy like this. It was worth it.

He came to slowly, blinking, eyelights hazy and purr still rumbling in his chest.

“Thank you,” he said, closing his eyes. It was the only time Razz would verbally thank him.

He swallowed down bile, thumb tracing the edge of the other’s scar. “Slim and Fell were wanting us to come over soon,” he said quietly, wanting to change the subject.

Razz opened his eyes, looking at Blue in confusion. “Who’s Slim?”

Trust was a weak thing.

**Author's Note:**

> everything is fine


End file.
